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My Story

“The darkest hour is just before dawn”

AwakeningIn January 2001, I embarked on an incredible 6 month ‘roller coaster ride’ that ended up changing my life forever.  It started with the breakdown of a long term relationship, which threw me into a period of mental and emotional turmoil, causing me to lose sleep and a stone in weight. 

During this time, I met up with my sister who suggested that I visit a healer that she knew.  She was extremely persistent, so much so that she actually booked the appointment for me and within a few days I found myself having an ‘Energy Alignment’ therapy with Carol Lamb, the founder of a healing and teaching organisation.  This session was to help bring my mind, body and emotions back into balance and was certainly extremely relaxing, but as I was about to leave, Carol stunned me by saying, ‘You need to be writing music’. 

This was a real shock to me even though I’d always enjoyed listening to music and had received a limited amount of music training during my schooldays, learning to play the trombone and taking an ‘O’ level course in music.  I enjoyed playing the trombone, especially when playing in an orchestra, but since leaving school my only musical outlet had been the piano, which I’d learned to play by first picking out tunes and then working out song accompaniments.  With such a limited musical pedigree, I might easily have dismissed Carol’s suggestion that I should be writing music had it not been for something that had happened just two years earlier…

Often I would improvise at the piano, allowing my hands to play over the keys without really thinking about what I was playing. I could never remember or reproduce anything that I played when improvising, apart from on one occasion in 1999 when a piece of improvised music which I’d played stuck in my mind.  After playing it again and again each time I returned to the piano, I eventually felt compelled to try to orchestrate this music, since it seemed to be a piece that needed to be played by a piano and orchestra.  I had no idea how I could do this but by searching the internet I eventually found some inexpensive music software which could be used to compose and play back orchestral music, using the soundcard of a computer to synthesise different instrument sounds.  I downloaded this software called Melody Assistant onto my laptop computer and started my attempt at orchestration.

Although this was the first time I’d ever tried to compose anything, I didn’t let the fact that I had no idea what I was doing hold me back!  By drawing upon the limited music training that I’d had, as well as the experience of listening to and playing orchestral music, I was able to complete the orchestration of this piece and felt a real sense of pride and achievement as I listened to it being played on my laptop computer. Much later, I was to find out that this experience and the music itself were far more significant than I had realised at the time.  I was to discover that before we had even met, Carol had been informed through channeled guidance in 1999 that I would write the film score for a screen play she had already drafted concerning past life memories received in childhood. This was the piece. 

It has since provided me with evidence of guidance, life-plan, soul-group connection and how music can heal past life memories.  I’ll provide more details on that story in the near future.

I had enjoyed writing this piece but regarded it as a one-off event and I certainly hadn’t felt inspired to write any more music over the next two years.  Despite this experience and Carol’s assertion that I should be writing music, a part of me was convinced that I could never be capable of doing this. 

Over the next few weeks, I returned for more ‘energy alignment’ therapy sessions and followed Carol’s advice to practice the Emerald Alignment exercise every day and to meditate; when I did my thoughts would continually return to music.  Even though writing music for orchestras still seemed beyond my capabilities, by now I felt that it was something I had to try.  Eventually I decided to take the plunge, spent several hundred pounds on equipment and software and then embarked my first efforts as a composer. 

Although I was now well equipped as far as technology was concerned, I struggled to compose anything for the first few weeks, failing to get any inspiration whatsoever for a new piece of music.  Once again, Carol received direct guidance as to how I should proceed at each stage, then said “I don’t know why I am asking you this, but I think there is a piece of music that you are supposed to write for me.  Before you meditate, ask to be given this music”.  I took Carol’s advice to heart and got into the habit of keeping to this prescribed programme of strict discipline, starting each session with a meditation and limiting each spell at the computer to short periods of time.  After a few days I found that I had a melody running through my head and as I focused upon it, the theme slowly developed in my mind into a complete piece.  Over the next four weeks I worked with my music computer for an hour every evening, trying to reproduce this piece of music which by now I had already played many times in my thoughts. 

Eventually it was complete and on hearing this piece in full, I was delighted and amazed to find it far surpassed my expectations. Once again I was to discover that the composition held a specific past life significance for Carol; I was told that the name of the piece was ‘Kathleen’, a piece which had been ‘waiting to be played’.

So began a collaboration with Carol.  I realised then that my life had changed for good.  The process of writing this music had given me so much joy that I couldn’t wait to get home each day to work in my music room.  I was also sleeping normally once more as I gradually became healed of the pain caused by recent events.


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Since those days in 2001 I have composed a great deal of music.  I’ve received commissions to write incidental music for film, as well as for educational CDs and DVDs.  I still get immense joy from composing and indeed have taken part-time employment so that I can spend more time pursuing the work of my heart.

I can now look back at those dark days of January 2001 with very different eyes.  The confusion that I felt then has long since disappeared and has been replaced by the peace and joy that comes from engaging with the work of my heart.  I’m now very happily married to Lynne, a woman who shares my beliefs and fully supports my work with music.  But most of all, I thank God for the gift of this painful experience, without which I may never have allowed these wonderful changes into my life.

Listen to the story: Soul Matrix – Life Plan Connection

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